What is a Healthy Relationship

People in recovery from alcoholism, addiction and co-dependency often  have questions about just what is a healthy relationship. This article will give many people in recovery food for thought.

What is a healthy relationship and how does sex fit in?

In the simplest terms, a healthy relationship is one that makes you feel good about yourself and your partner. Not only do you enjoy being together, but

you can express your true self, and allow your partner to do the same. All relationships are different, of course, but healthy ones have at least five important qualities in common.

The acronym S.H.A.R.E. can help you remember these qualities.

* Safety: In a healthy relationship you feel safe. You don’t worry that your partner will harm you physically or emotionally, and you don’t feel inclined to use physical or emotional violence against your partner. You can try new things (such as taking a night class) or change your mind about something (such as engaging in a sexual activity that makes you feel uncomfortable) without fearing your partner’s reaction.  

* Honesty: You don’t hide anything important from your partner, and can express your thoughts without fear of censure or ridicule. You can admit to being wrong. You resolve disagreements by talking honestly.

* Acceptance: You and your partner accept each other as you are. You appreciate your partner’s unique qualities (such as shyness or emotionality).

You don’t try to “fix” them – if you don’t like your partner’s qualities, you may want to examine your motivations for being with them.

* Respect: You think highly of each other. You do not feel superior or inferior to your partner in important ways. You respect each other’s right to have separate opinions and ideas. This doesn’t mean you have to tolerate everything your partner does or does not do (such as refusing to get help for a drinking problem). Setting limits is a sign of self-respect.

* Enjoyment: A healthy relationship isn’t just about how two people treat each other – it also has to be enjoyable. In a healthy relationship, you feel energised and alive in your partner’s presence. You can play and laugh together. You have fun.

Abusive relationships

The opposite of a healthy relationship is an abusive relationship. Such

relationships involve control, fear, and lack of mutual respect. Typically,

one partner does most of the controlling while the other cowers in

resentment or fear. Signs of an abusive relationship include intimidation,

name-calling, blaming, belittling, guilt-tripping, jealous questioning, and

outright violence.

If you suspect you’re in an abusive relationship, there’s a good chance

you are. Perhaps you know deep down that you’d be better off without the

relationship but are afraid to leave it. You may depend on your partner’s

income, you may fear being on your own, or you may rationalize the

relationship as “better than nothing.” In the long run, however, an abusive

relationship does far more damage to your self-esteem than the absence of a

relationship (and the opportunity to find a healthy one).

Many people who have abused drugs, alcohol or grown up in a home with

unhealthy relationships may be so familiar with abuse that they have come

to believe dysfunction is the norm. This article challenges that belief.

Recovery

The 12 Step programs, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Alanon

and others are designed to address these issues.

If your sponsor is unable to help, a social worker and/or counsellor can

help you map out a strategy for leaving an abusive relationship and getting

your own life back on track. Or you can call us at Coaching With Substance on 07 56 066 315 and one of our Recovery Coaches can help you deal with this problem.  All assessments are strictly confidential.

Or drop us an email: info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au 

We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand.

Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all.

Primary care at CWS is personalised to treat each individual using programs that integrate mind, body and soul. CWS programs are enhanced by highly effective group coaching and therapeutic processes as well as individual coaching, spiritual insights, therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.

All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.

We welcome enquiries from all English speaking people from Asia, Europe, Africa, India and South America.

Why Drug Stigma Still Matters

More sinned against than sinning?

“Psychological theories of illness are a powerful means of placing the blame on the ill. Patients who are instructed that they have, unwittingly, caused their disease are also being made to feel that they have deserved it.”

- Susan Sontag, Illness as Metaphor

Addiction is always a hot topic, in its way, if only because of an endless supply of fallible starlets. More seriously, valuable research is taking

place in myriad directions - the psychology of addiction, the disease of addiction, the neurobiology of addiction, the neuropsycho- pharmacology of addiction, etc. What sometimes goes missing is any serious analysis of the

stigmatisation of drug addiction.

The UK Drug Policy Commission (UKDPC) is an independent research group comprised of 12 “expert commissioners” charged with providing objective analysis on drug policy matters. The group recently issued a paper authored by Charlie Lloyd of the University of York. In “Sinning and Sinned Against: The Stigmatisation of Problem Drug Users,”  Lloyd set out to pull together the evidence-based research on the effects of stigmatising “problem drug users.” The European Monitoring Centre for Drugs and Drug Addiction (EMCDDA) defines problem drug use as “injecting drug use or long-duration/regular use of opioids, cocaine and/or amphetamines.”

According to Lloyd’s analysis of the research literature, the groups most frequently referred to as stigmatised are the disabled, the mentally ill,

minority ethnic groups—and drug addicts. To make matters worse, multiple problems often attach to addicts: “Problem drug users frequently report suffering from other stigmas: being black, female, Hepatitis C or HIV positive, disabled, or suffering from a mental disorder. However, research shows that problem drug user status is the most stigmatising.” The stigma is continuously cemented in place by rhetoric about the “war on drugs.” There is no comparable public war on disability, or mental illness, or ethnicity—at least not overtly.

I cannot vouch for Lloyd’s analysis, but a good deal of it smacks of common sense at the street level. Others have suggested it is logical to assume that the stigma attached to hard drug addiction serves, by example, to deter others. “However,” Lloyd writes, “attempts to scare young people away from drug use have not proved effective. The evidence reviewed here suggests that stigma keeps users away from treatment.”

So this is not a theoretical concern. Stigmatisation “may be a major stumbling block to successful rehabilitation.” Health professionals and hospital staff “can be distrustful and judgmental in dealing with problem drug users but drug users can themselves be aggressive and manipulative.

In the United States staff who choose to work in hospitals serving the most deprived, inner-city populations appear to be more compassionate and patient.”

The prevailing public view, Lloyd writes, is that problem drug users tend to be “dangerous, deceitful, unreliable, unpredictable, hard to talk with and to blame for their predicament. Young people may have more negative views in this respect than adults.”

Of course, drug addicts can be all those things at one time or another. Drug abusers often stigmatise themselves. For the user, these conflicted feelings lead some of them to feel that “the very act of seeking treatment serves to cement an ‘addict’ or ‘junkie’ identity, which can lead to further rejection from family and friends.” This is most commonly experienced by users on methadone maintenance treatment, “who feel particularly stigmatised, in comparison to other treatment types.” Lloyd notes that a lifetime stigma sometimes attaches to heroin and cocaine addiction, continuing “to haunt such ex-users, preventing access to good housing and employment.” As he trenchantly observes, there is plenty of room “to stigmatise users less, without rendering heroin or crack-cocaine significantly more attractive.”

Lloyd concludes that the primary culprit, the complicating factor, is “blame.” Compared to “blameless groups” such as the disabled and the mentally ill, problem drug users, he writes, “are blamed for taking drugs in the first place and are also perceived to have a choice whether or not to take drugs in the future.”

If public and professional stigma has the power to prevent addicts from entering treatment (as it formerly held a similar power over the mentally ill, and before that, the disabled), what can be done about it? Lloyd makes several concrete suggestions, most of which centre, predictably, on

education:

-Drug education in schools should focus on the causes and the consequences of active addiction, rather than relying on scare stories.

-It’s time to teach health care and pharmacy staff about the medical, social, and psychological aspects of drug addiction.

-Treatment agencies need to focus on the whole person, “and not see problem drug users as solely problem drug users. Some drug addicts are also bird-watchers.”

-Users themselves, as well as their families, often benefit from a greater understanding of the mechanisms of addiction. This can have the effect of reducing “the self-blame felt by many drug user’s parents.”

-Finally, “police need to reflect on their practice in policing problem drug users at street level.” ‘Nuff said.

DrugScope, a leading U.K. charity with a membership drawn in part from

the ranks of drug treatment and education workers, praised the report as

“timely and insightful.” Martin Barnes, chief executive of DrugScope, said

that the report effectively “evidences stigma as a barrier to recovery and

reintegration.”

If you or someone you love is in the grips of any addiction don't let "stigmatisation" get in the way, call us today in confidence for immediate help. COACHING WITH SUBSTANCE  PH 07 5606 6315 (7days). Confidentiality and privacy assured.  INTERNATIONAL CALLERS 61 7 560 66315

EMAIL info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au

Website www.CoachingWithSubstance.org.au

We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand.

Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all.

Primary care at CWS is personalised to treat each individual using programs that integrate mind, body and soul. CWS programs are enhanced by highly effective group coaching and therapeutic processes as well as individual coaching, spiritual insights, therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.

All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.

We welcome enquiries from all English speaking people from Asia, Europe, Africa, India and South America.

Omniomania (compulsive shopping or shopping addiction)

This is perhaps the most socially reinforced of the behavioural addictions.

We are surrounded by advertising, telling us that buying will make us

happy. We are encouraged by politicians to spend as a way of boosting

the economy. And we all want to have what those around us have –-

consumerism has become a measure of our social worth.

Although widespread consumerism has escalated in recent years, shopping addiction is not a new disorder. It was recognised as far back as the early nineteenth century, and was cited as a psychiatric disorder in the early twentieth century.

Almost everyone shops to some degree, but only about 6% of the Australian population is thought to have a shopping addiction. Usually beginning in the late teens and early adulthood, shopping addiction often co-occurs with other disorders, including mood and anxiety disorders, substance use disorders, eating disorders, other impulse control disorders, and personality disorders.

Normal Shopping v. Shopping Addiction   

So what makes the difference between normal shopping, occasional

splurges, and shopping addiction? As with all addictions, shopping becomes the person’s main way of coping with stress, to the point where they continue to shop excessively even when it is clearly having a negative impact on other areas of their life. As with other addictions, finances and relationships are damaged, yet the shopping addict feels unable to stop or even control their spending.

The Controversy of Shopping Addiction

Like other behavioural addictions, shopping addiction is a controversial idea. Many experts balk at the idea that excessive spending can constitute an addiction, believing that there has to be a psychoactive substance which produces symptoms such as physical tolerance and withdrawal for an activity to be a true addiction.

There is also some disagreement among professionals about whether compulsive shopping should be considered an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), impulse control disorder (like pathological gambling), mood disorder (like depression), or addiction. It has been suggested that, along with kleptomania (compulsive stealing) and binge-eating disorder (BED), it be viewed as an impulsive-compulsive spectrum disorder.

How Is Shopping Addiction Like Other Addictions?

There are several characteristics that shopping addiction shares with other addictions. As with other addictions, shopping addicts become preoccupied with spending, and devote significant time and money to the activity. Actual spending is important to the process of shopping addiction; window

shopping does not constitute an addiction, and the addictive pattern is actually driven by the process of spending money.

As with other addictions, shopping addiction is highly ritualised and follows a typically addictive pattern of thoughts about shopping, planning shopping trips, and the shopping act itself, often described as pleasurable, ecstatic even, and as providing relief from negative feelings. Finally, the shopper

crashes, with feelings of disappointment, particularly with the themselves.

Compulsive shoppers use shopping as a way of escaping negative feelings, such as depression, anxiety, boredom, self-critical thoughts, and anger.

Unfortunately, the escape is short-lived. The purchases are often simply hoarded unused, and compulsive shoppers will then begin to plan the next spending spree. Most shop alone, although some shop with others who enjoy it. Generally, it will lead to embarrassment to shop with people who don’t share this type of enthusiasm for shopping.

What If I Have a Shopping Addiction?

Research indicates that around three-quarters of compulsive shoppers are willing to admit their shopping is problematic, particularly in areas of finances and relationships. Of course, this may reflect the willingness of those who participate in research to admit to having problems. 

Fortunately, treatment is available at Coaching With Substance. For most individuals with this addiction the Coaching With Substance  rehab program has proven very successful. Statistics show that child physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse are very common factors in many cases.

If you or someone you love in the grips of a shopping addiction, call us today and let one of our COACHING WITH SUBSTANCE  (CWS) Addiction Recovery Coach Specialists assess your problem and set out a recovery coaching plan for you. Call us today 07 5606 6315 (7days)  

Confidentiality and privacy assured. INTERNATIONAL CALLERS 61 7 560 66315.

EMAIL info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au.  Website www.CoachingWithSubstance.org.au

Remember, you are a worthwhile person, no matter how much or how little you own.

We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand.

Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all.

Primary care at CWS is personalised to treat each individual using programs that integrate mind, body and soul. CWS programs are enhanced by highly effective group coaching and therapeutic processes as well as individual coaching, spiritual insights, therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.

All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.

We welcome enquiries from all English speaking people from Asia, Europe, Africa, India and South America.

Sources:

Black, D. “A Review of Compulsive Buying Disorder.” World Psychiatry.

6:14-18. 2007.

Black, D. “Compulsive Buying Disorder: A Review of the Evidence.” CNS

Spectr. 12(2):124-32. Feb 2007.

Christenson G, Faber R, de Zwaan M, Raymond N, Specker S, Ekern

M, Mackenzie T, Crosby R, Crow S, Eckert E, et al. “Compulsive

buying: descriptive characteristics and psychiatric comorbidity.” J Clin

Psychiatry.55(1):5-11. Jan 1994.

McElroy S, Keck P Jr, Phillips K. “Kleptomania, compulsive buying, and

binge-eating disorder.” J Clin Psychiatry. 56 Suppl 4:14-26. 1995.

Mueller A, de Zwaan M. “Treatment of compulsive buying.” Fortschr

Neurol Psychiatr. 76:478-83. Aug 2008.

Tavares H, Lobo D, Fuentes D, Black D. “Compulsive Buying Disorder: A

Review and a Case Vignette.” Rev Bras Psiquiatr. 30 Suppl 1:S16-23. May

2008.

Poem - Mother Against Drugs

A poem about the perils of drug use written by a mother who's child got entangled in its seductive grip. The child is the dragon, and drugs are referred to as the tiger.

The Year Of The Dragon 1976

© Cheryl Chartier

Beautiful and bright was the Young Dragon. 

Capable and caring,  

Sensitive but strong,

The life of the Young Dragon

Couldn't go wrong.

Upright and steadfast,

Courageous with might,

Who knew the Dragon

Would get lost in the night.

For the Dragon met Tiger,

Who lured him away,

Into the jungle

Of life's tumultuous way.

Down the path of    

Destruction, sorrow and woes,

Down the path of

Seduction, deceit and morose.

The Tiger made promises

Which led Dragon astray,

Away from his mother, siblings and wife,

Away from the people who'd given him life.

Deep into the jungle  

Dragon followed Tiger.

Farther off the path of the good life

Deeper on the road of sorrow and strife.

And when the Dragon was

Broken, desolate and alone,

Looking through bars

At the life that he'd known,

Tiger smiled and nodded his head,

For the beautiful Dragon

Was standing alone

Far from his life, his family and home.

But Tiger underestimated

The Spirit of love,

Looking out for Dragon

From high up above.

Spirit opened doors

By providing the keys,

All Dragon had to do

Was reach for these.

Be strong Young Dragon,

Do what you must,

Before vicious Tiger,

Turns you to dust.

Reject all he offers,

Come back to the way.

We're waiting Dear Dragon,

Please join us today.

Come back from the jungle,

The Tiger and harm.

We're waiting Dear Dragon,

With wide-open arms.

The path will be twisted,

And hardships abound,

With determination as your companion,

You'll gain the high ground.

Your new life awaits you,

Grab on and demand

That the Tiger who holds you,

Desist and disband.

Shuck off your demons,

Dig deep down inside,

And know that the Spirit

Has nothing but pride.

Pride for the Dragon

Who was led astray,

Because Dragon has the courage

To keep Tiger at bay.

M. A. D.

(mother against drugs)

Mother's Day

May 9, 2004

Multiple Psychiatric Disorder Risk with Alcohol Dependence

First-degree relatives of people dependent on alcohol are not only at increased risk of becoming addicted to alcohol and other drugs such as cocaine, but also of developing psychiatric disorders such as depression and panic disorder, study findings indicate.

Noting that alcohol dependence tends to aggregate within families, John Nurnberger (Indiana University School of Medicine, Indianapolis, USA) and colleagues analysed data from the family collection of the Collaborative Study on the Genetics of Alcoholism to assess whether other psychiatric disorders may be also be more common in families with a history of alcoholism.

Data were available for 8296 relatives of people with alcohol dependence, 1654 individuals with no family history of alcoholism. The rate of DSM-IV alcohol dependence was 28.8% for relatives of people with the condition, compared with 14.4% for controls.

Overall, relatives of alcoholics were twice as likely to become addicted to alcohol as people without a family history of alcohol dependence.

Relatives of alcohol-dependent individuals were also at an increased risk of becoming addicted to other drugs, including cocaine, marijuana, opiates, sedatives, and stimulants. The greatest risk was for cocaine dependence, with relatives of individuals with alcoholism more than three times as likely as those without a family history of alcoholism to become dependant on the drug.

Moreover, relatives of alcoholics had a higher risk of depression, panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and antisocial personality disorder than controls.

“The aggregation of antisocial personality disorder, drug dependence,

anxiety disorders, and mood disorders, suggests common mechanisms for

these disorders and alcohol dependence within some families,” Nurnberger

et al write in the Archives of General Psychiatry.

This represents a “shared specific genetic vulnerability,” they say, which

puts people at risk of a number of psychiatric disorders if they have a family

history of alcohol dependence.

If you or someone you love is suffering from the affects of growing up in an alcoholic family call us today for confidential help.

A professional Addiction Recovery Coach from  Coaching With Substance can guide and support you deal with the problem and save further misery for you and your family.

FOR HELP TODAY info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au  Confidentiality assured.

Ph 07 5606 6315 (7days) Web www.coachingwithsubstance.org.au

We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand.

Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all.

Primary care at CWS is personalised to treat each individual using programs that integrate mind, body and soul. CWS programs are enhanced by highly effective group coaching and therapeutic processes as well as individual coaching, spiritual insights, therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.

All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.

We welcome enquiries from all English speaking people from Asia, Europe, Africa, India and South America.

Intimate Partner Violence The Role of Alcohol

Intimate Partner Violence: The Role of Alcohol

Episodes of intimate partner violence are associated with alcohol consumption. To explore this relationship further, researchers interviewed a

random sample of heterosexual couples at baseline and 5 years later. They assessed alcohol use and related problems, and the incidence (new cases)

and recurrence (cases at both follow-up and baseline) of male-to-female partner violence and female-to-male partner violence. Analyses included 1136 couples who were cohabitating and/or married at both baseline and follow-up. Partner violence was defined as a range of violent behaviours, such as slapping, kicking, forcing sex, and threatening with a gun or knife.

* At follow-up, the incidence of both female-to-male and male-to-female partner violence was only 6 percent. However, recurrence was more common (female-to-male violence 44 percent, male-to-female violence 39 percent).

* In unadjusted analyses, incidence and/or recurrence of partner violence was significantly associated with greater mean consumption by male perpetrators; heavy drinking (at least 5 drinks on an occasion in the past year) by male and female perpetrators; and/or alcohol problems among male and female perpetrators.

* Among these alcohol indicators, only mean consumption (among both female perpetrators and male victims) remained significantly associated with new or recurrent cases of female-to-male partner violence when analyses were adjusted for potential confounders.

Comments by Joseph Conigliaro, MD, MPH: Female-to-male partner violence was as common as male-to-female partner violence in this population-based sample, whereas male perpetration of partner violence is often the norm in clinical samples. Nevertheless, heavy episodic drinking, alcohol problems, and higher average alcohol consumption should be considered risk factors for partner violence and addressed in prevention efforts.

If you are suffering from alcohol or drug driven emotional or physical violence call us today for professional help. 

If you or someone you love is in the grips of addiction call us today for immediate help.

Coaching With Substance is Australia's No. 1 provider of Recovery Coaching Services and WINNER of 2014 Best Not-For-Profit in ALL Addictions.

Call us 07 5606 6315 (7days) Confidentiality assured.

Website www.coachingwithsubstance.org.au      

Email info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au

We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand.

Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all.

Primary care at CWS is personalised to treat each individual using programs that integrate mind, body and soul. CWS programs are enhanced by highly effective group coaching and therapeutic processes as well as individual coaching, spiritual insights, therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.

All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.

We welcome enquiries from all English speaking people from Asia, Europe, Africa, India and South America.

AA 12 STEPS and POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

Whether your trauma was last month or 30 years ago, you feel helpless in the face of your symptoms. You struggle with issues of control and mastery. You wish you could control your symptoms. When you are alone, you wish you could go back in time and somehow prevent or stop your traumatic

experience.

Applying the twelve-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous requires an admission of powerlessness that is quite different from being overwhelmed by the traumatic force(s) that shattered your being and sense of safety.

In this instance, you admit that you could not control what happened to you. Also, you admit that you cannot manage the symptoms you experience. You hit a bottom in your experience of your life as it is. So much so, that you become willing to take the actions suggested in the remaining steps.

In essence, the difference between your admission of powerlessness and the helplessness of your trauma is one of a willingness to take action. Trauma helplessness is passive.
            Recovery powerlessness is active.

* This is a paradox. You admit you are powerless; so that you are able to take action.

Spirituality

For the purpose of this article we will be using the term God.  This word can be replaced with a word from whatever spiritual beliefs you may hold i.e.  a Higher Power, the Source, the Universe or any other name.

Many trauma survivors have a problem with spirituality. In fact, you may have one or more of the following issues with spiritual beliefs and a Higher Power concept.

* Where was God?  

* What do I believe in now?

* How do I reconcile a belief in God with what has happened?

* How do I face the reality of my fragile life?

* How can I trust God again now that I know bad things can happen to me?

* I cannot forgive my perpetrator

* I am lacking in my faith.

* Why???

* How can I believe in a Higher Power when there is evil and cruelty in the

world?

* How does God view suffering in the world?

* What is the meaning of what happened?

* I don’t feel safe anywhere.

* My life no longer feels predictable

* I am angry with God, is He angry with me?

* I feel like God abandoned me.

* I feel betrayed by God.

* What is my relationship to God now?

* I feel ashamed; God wouldn’t want me anymore.

* I feel dirty; so, I cannot get close to God.

* I feel distanced from the community now that this happened.

* No one will ever understand.

* Am I at fault?

* I feel so powerlessness.

* What do I believe in now?

* How do I make sense out of what happened?

* I no longer understand the meaning of life.

* Where is there value in my suffering?

* My perpetrator was never punished, what now?

* I don’t feel like I belong anywhere anymore. Goodness doesn’t protect anyone.

* How can I believe in a loving, all-powerful God after what happened? How do I resolve my feelings of guilt with a faith in a Higher Power?

* I still feel God abandoned me.

* It is difficult to think of God as a loving Father after what my own father did to me.

These are very deep questions.

You have a right to this difficult struggle with ideas related to faith and belief in God. Your struggle doesn’t prevent you from working a 12-step program of recovery. In fact, being in this struggle is one aspect of working a 12-step program of recovery on your PTSD.

All that is required to work this aspect of a 12-step program is a willingness to face these issues. You do not have to believe in God to start working a program of recovery. What is needed is an open mind and a resolve to work through the spiritual damage done to every trauma survivor. Spiritual recovery from trauma comes when you make your peace with a belief in a higher power even though this awful trauma happened to you.

Moral Inventory, Defects of Character and Shortcomings

The easiest way for me to tell you how to apply the ideas from steps four, five, six, and seven to your PTSD is to tell you what this is not:

* It does not include all the things your perpetrator told you to justify their behaviour.

* It is not anything told you by another person about yourself; especially those things that begin with the sentence: “The trouble with you is….”

* It is not self-abuse.

* It is not the toxic shame many of you feel

* It is not blaming yourself for your traumatic experience.

* It is not taking responsibility for another person’s bad behavior.

With these ideas in hand, you can safely use the AA Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous and the AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions to follow these steps and support your recovery from PTSD.

Twelve Steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over our trauma and the effects of the trauma–that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as

we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and the

effects of our trauma on our lives.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact

nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to survivors of trauma, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Adapted from The 12 Steps of Alcoholic Anonymous

If you or someone you love is in the grips of PTSD and addiction call us today for immediate help.

Coaching With Substance is Australia's No. 1 provider of Recovery Coaching Services and WINNER of 2014 Best Not-For-Profit in ALL Addictions.

Call us 07 5606 6315 (7days) Confidentiality assured.

Website www.coachingwithsubstance.org.au .  Email info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au

Action for Parents

Action for Parents

Despite all of your efforts to keep your kids drug-free, one day you might suspect that your son or daughter is using drugs or alcohol. Perhaps you have found an odd-looking pipe in his room, cans and bottles in the car or rolling papers in her laundry. Or you overheard a conversation not meant for you. Whatever the signal, your gut instinct has been activated. How do you know if you need to do anything? What do you do now? Where do you turn for help?

Every day, approximately 1,700 Australian youth under age 18 try

marijuana for the first time. This is a very disturbing statistic. In 2003, nearly nine out of 10 year 12 students reported marijuana as being easily accessible to them.

By the time they finish year 8, approximately 50 percent of adolescents have had at least one drink, and more than 20 percent report having been “drunk.” Drug and alcohol use by teens increases the risk of addiction and can change the developing brain for life.

Despite these statistics, one thing remains true:

Parents are the most important influence in a teen’s decisions about drug use. You can and do make a difference. If you suspect or know that your child is using drugs, take action now, because the longer you wait, the harder it will be to deal with your child’s drug use.

If your teen is using drugs or alcohol call Coaching With Substance today for help 07 5606 6315 (7days) confidentiality assured..   Family education and support is a significant part of the Program.  Coaching With Substance is Australia's No. 1 provider of Recovery Coaching Services and WINNER of 2014 Best Not-For-Profit in ALL Addictions.

Website www.coachingwithsubstance.org.au      

Email info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au