People in recovery from alcoholism, addiction and co-dependency often have questions about just what is a healthy relationship. This article will give many people in recovery food for thought.
What is a healthy relationship and how does sex fit in?
In the simplest terms, a healthy relationship is one that makes you feel good about yourself and your partner. Not only do you enjoy being together, but
you can express your true self, and allow your partner to do the same. All relationships are different, of course, but healthy ones have at least five important qualities in common.
The acronym S.H.A.R.E. can help you remember these qualities.
* Safety: In a healthy relationship you feel safe. You don’t worry that your partner will harm you physically or emotionally, and you don’t feel inclined to use physical or emotional violence against your partner. You can try new things (such as taking a night class) or change your mind about something (such as engaging in a sexual activity that makes you feel uncomfortable) without fearing your partner’s reaction.
* Honesty: You don’t hide anything important from your partner, and can express your thoughts without fear of censure or ridicule. You can admit to being wrong. You resolve disagreements by talking honestly.
* Acceptance: You and your partner accept each other as you are. You appreciate your partner’s unique qualities (such as shyness or emotionality).
You don’t try to “fix” them – if you don’t like your partner’s qualities, you may want to examine your motivations for being with them.
* Respect: You think highly of each other. You do not feel superior or inferior to your partner in important ways. You respect each other’s right to have separate opinions and ideas. This doesn’t mean you have to tolerate everything your partner does or does not do (such as refusing to get help for a drinking problem). Setting limits is a sign of self-respect.
* Enjoyment: A healthy relationship isn’t just about how two people treat each other – it also has to be enjoyable. In a healthy relationship, you feel energised and alive in your partner’s presence. You can play and laugh together. You have fun.
Abusive relationships
The opposite of a healthy relationship is an abusive relationship. Such
relationships involve control, fear, and lack of mutual respect. Typically,
one partner does most of the controlling while the other cowers in
resentment or fear. Signs of an abusive relationship include intimidation,
name-calling, blaming, belittling, guilt-tripping, jealous questioning, and
outright violence.
If you suspect you’re in an abusive relationship, there’s a good chance
you are. Perhaps you know deep down that you’d be better off without the
relationship but are afraid to leave it. You may depend on your partner’s
income, you may fear being on your own, or you may rationalize the
relationship as “better than nothing.” In the long run, however, an abusive
relationship does far more damage to your self-esteem than the absence of a
relationship (and the opportunity to find a healthy one).
Many people who have abused drugs, alcohol or grown up in a home with
unhealthy relationships may be so familiar with abuse that they have come
to believe dysfunction is the norm. This article challenges that belief.
Recovery
The 12 Step programs, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Alanon
and others are designed to address these issues.
If your sponsor is unable to help, a social worker and/or counsellor can
help you map out a strategy for leaving an abusive relationship and getting
your own life back on track. Or you can call us at Coaching With Substance on 07 56 066 315 and one of our Recovery Coaches can help you deal with this problem. All assessments are strictly confidential.
We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand.
Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all.
Primary care at CWS is personalised to treat each individual using programs that integrate mind, body and soul. CWS programs are enhanced by highly effective group coaching and therapeutic processes as well as individual coaching, spiritual insights, therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.
All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.
We welcome enquiries from all English speaking people from Asia, Europe, Africa, India and South America.
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