Breaking Through The Denial

Breaking Through Denial Is An ADDICT'S First Step in Recovery.

Looking in the mirror and accepting what we see can be one of the hardest things we ever do. It’s especially hard when the image staring us in the face is painful or doesn’t fit with how we want to see ourselves. 

Sometimes, the truth is so painful that we avoid it at any cost. 

Refusing to accept a painful reality that alters the perception of ourselves is a psychological defense called DENIAL. 

As human beings, we may use denial to protect ourselves from knowledge, insight or awareness that threatens our self-esteem, mental or physical health, or security. 

The term “denial” is often used in the ADDICTION field to describe people who deny ADDICTION problems. “Denial is the tendency of alcoholics AND addicts to either disavow or distort variables associated with their drinking, drug use OR gambling, etc.... in spite of evidence to the contrary. 

It’s a common misconception that all alcoholics and addicts are in denial. In fact, people have various levels of awareness of their ADDICTION problems and readiness to change behavior. People may recognize certain facts concerning their use, such as number of arrests or how often they drink. At the same time, they may woefully misperceive the impact their addiction has had on the people around them, their relationships, how they feel about themselves, or the implications of their drinking history. 

Some common statements made by addicts who deny their disease include: 

* “I could quit anytime I wanted to.” 

* “I’d quit using if people would quit bugging me.” 

* “If you were in my situation, you’d drink, too.” 

Typically, the more severe the addiction, the stronger the denial. This is often baffling and frustrating to family members and others who care about the addicted person. If a person doesn’t recognize that his or her behavior is creating problems, then he or she wouldn’t see the need to change or seek assistance. They are also likely to react negatively to people who believe they have a problem. 

Also feeding denial is the stigma and shame associated with addiction. 

Unfortunately, much of society still perceives adiction as a moral failure. 

There are many barriers to overcoming denial. In some cases, the addicts behavior may be similar to his or her peers — it’s hard for them to understand that anything is wrong. 

Other people don’t think they can be successful in making changes in their lives, so they refuse to recognize there is a problem. 

Addicted people don’t have a monopoly on denial. The defence is also employed by many people with chronic illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease, cancer and AIDS. People with these diseases may use denial to avoid accepting their mortality, giving up fantasies of control or invincibility, or dramatically changing lifestyles. 

An article in the Dec. 14, 1994 issue of the “Journal of the American Medical Association” notes that “denial may constitute a barrier to the patient’s sharing of essential information; it may also interfere with the patient’s ability to hear and accept professional advice.” 

Examples of denial include not reporting chest pain or other potentially life-threatening symptoms and denying the impact of chronic or disfiguring illnesses. 

It is a myth that harshly confronting a person with the consequences of his or her behaviour helps people break through denial. 

In most cases, it builds up the defence even more. People fear coming into treatment because of the shame and stigma associated with ADDICTION; they fear rejection and confrontation and facing up to their guilt and low self-esteem. 

A more effective way is to help people learn more about their disease of addiction and get support from others who also have the disease. 

Family members can help by allowing the addicted loved one to experience the consequences of his or her addictive behavioue. If someone passes out in the yard — unless it’s a life-threatening situation — they should be left there. The person will begin to recognize that there are consequences for his or her actions. 

If family members give feedback, it should be when the person is sober or straight and it should be expressed in a caring and loving way rather than confrontational manner. 

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS IN DENIAL ABOUT AN ADDICTION CALL US TODAY FOR IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE. PHONE 07 560 66315

 

Web: www.coachingwithsubstance.org.au

 

Email info@coachingwithsubstance.org.auinfo@coachingwithsubstance.org.au

ABOUT COACHING WITH SUBSTANCE (WINNER Best Not-for-Profit 2014)

We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand. Call us on 07 5606 6315 if you want to speak to an Addiction Specialist.

Our Founder, Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. She is currently completing her PhD on Recovery Coaching and is the first registered Recovery Coach in Australia.

We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all. Primary care at CWS is personalised to treat each individual using programs that integrate mind, body and soul. CWS programs are enhanced by highly effective group coaching and therapeutic processes as well as individual coaching, spiritual insights, therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.

All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Taoist Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.

We welcome enquiries from all English speaking people from Asia, Europe, Africa, India and South America.

Addiction and The FAMILY: The Family roles.

Addiction a Family Disease!

The Merry-Go-Round of DENIAL

Addiction is a tragic three act play in which there is at least two characters, the addict and their family; friends; co-workers and even healthcare workers may have a part in keeping the Merry-Go-Round turning.

ACT ONE

The play opens with the addict stating that no one can tell them what to do. This makes it very difficult for the family to talk about drinking/drugging and its results. Even when the drinking/drugging is obviously causing serious problems, they simply will not discuss it. Talking is like a one-way street.

The key word in addiction is Denial, for again and again people do what they say they will not or deny what they have done.

As the addict acts out more and more, the helpers deny the problem and increase the addicts' dependency.

In act one, the addict kills all their pain and woes by getting drunk or getting high.

ACT TWO

In act two, the addict does nothing but wait for and expect others to do for them. Distinct characters begin to evolve from their helpers. A person can play more than one character and usually does.

The Enabler

The Enabler is a helpful type, trying to rescue their friend or family member from their predicament. The Enabler wants to save the addict from the immediate crisis and relieve them of the unbearable tension created by the situation.

In reality, this person is meeting a need of their own, rather than that of the addict, although the Enabler does not realise this themselves.

The Enabler denies the addict the process of learning by correcting and taking responsibility for their own mistakes.

The Enabler may eventually insist they will never again rescue the addict. They always have and the addict believes they always will.

The Victim

This may be the boss, the employer, the foreman or supervisor. The Victim is the person who is responsible for getting the work done, if the addict is absent due to drinking or drugging or is half on and half off the job due to a hangover.

The addict becomes completely dependent on this repeated protection and cover-up by the Victim; otherwise they could not continue acting out in this fashion. If the Victim stops helping, the addict will be compelled to give up drinking/drugs or give up the job.

It is the Victim who enables the addict to continue their irresponsible addictive behaviour without losing their job.

The Provoker

This is often the wife or mother and is a key person in the play. They are a veteran at this role and has played it much longer than others. They are the Provoker. They are hurt and upset by repeated acting out episodes; but they hold the family together despite all the trouble caused by the addiction/s.

In turn, they feed back in the relationship their bitterness, resentment, fear and hurt, and so becomes the source of provocation. They control, and try to force the changes they want; they sacrifice, adjust, never give up, never gives in, but never forgets.

The attitude of the addict is that their failure should be acceptable, but others must never fail the addict! They act with complete independence and insists they will do as they please.

This character might also be called the Adjuster. They are constantly adjusting to the crisis and trouble caused by the addiction/s.

Act two is now played out in full. Everything is done for the addict and not by them. The results, effects and problems caused by addiction, have been removed by others. The painful results of the addictive behaviour were suffered by persons other than the addict. This permits them to continue in their addiction as a way to solve their problems.

ACT THREE

Act three begins much like act one. The need to deny dependence is now greater for the addict and must be expressed almost at once, and even more emphatically. The alcoholic/drug addict denies they have a problem, denies they are an alcoholic or drug addict, denies that alcohol/drugs is causing their trouble. The addict refuses to acknowledge that anyone helped them – more denial. They deny that they may lose their job and insists that they are the best or most skilled person at their job. Above all, the addict denies they have caused their family any trouble. In fact, the addict blames the family, especially the spouse/parent, for all the fuss, nagging and problems.

Some addicts achieve the same denial by a stony silence, refusing to discuss anything related to their addiction. The memory is too painful.

The real problem is that the alcoholic/drug addict is well aware of the truth which they so strongly deny. The are aware of the drunkenness and chaos and the failure. Their guilt and remorse have become unbearable and the addict cannot tolerate criticism or advice from others.

Above all, the memory of their utter helplessness and failure is more than embarrassing; it is far too painful for a person who thinks and acts as if they were a little god in their own world.

The wheel goes round and round.

The curtain never closes after act three, but instead the acts run over and over again. As years go by the actors get older, but there is little change in the words or the action of the play.

It is not true that an alcoholic/drug addict cannot be helped until they want help. It is true that there is almost no chance that the addict will stop drinking or drugging as long as other people remove all the painful consequences for them. The other actors find it difficult to change. It is much easier and far less painful for them to say that the addict cannot be helped, than to go through the agony of learning to play a new role.

Self-creating crisis

If the addictive behaviour continues long enough, the addict creates a crisis, gets into trouble, and ends up in a mess. This can happen in many ways, but the pattern is always the same: they are a dependent who behaves as if they were independent, and drinking or drugging makes it easy to convince themselves this is true. Yet the results of their acting out make them ever more dependent upon others.

When their self-created crisis strikes, they wait for something to happen, ignore it, walks away from it, or cries for someone to get them out of it. Alcohol or drugs, which at first gave them a sense of success and independence, has now stripped them of their mask and reveals a helpless, dependent child.

The crisis is a way of reassuring the addict that they have control over the other players in the play.

The Little God

No one has a right to play God and demand that the addict stop. The reverse is also true. The addict can only continue to act like a little god, telling everyone what to do, while doing as they please, if a supporting cast continues to play their roles. Every player has every right and responsibility to refuse to act as if the addict in their lives were God whose every wish and commandment be obeyed.

Ending the play

There is no easy way to stop the merry-go-round, for it can be more painful to stop it than to keep it going. It is impossible to spell out definite rules which apply to all members of the play. Each case is different, but the framework of the play remains the same.

If you see yourself in this play do not despair there is help. Our specially trained and experienced coaches at Coaching With Substance fully understand this process and are very skilful in helping families and the addict break this cycle and help all players into a quality recovery. CALL US TODAY FOR HELP 07 560 66315 

COACHING WITH SUBSTANCE (CWS) ADDICTION RECOVERY COACHES.

Website www.coachingwithsubstance.org.au      

Email info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au

We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand.

Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all.

Primary care at CWS is personalised to treat each individual using programs that integrate mind, body and soul. CWS programs are enhanced by highly effective group coaching and therapeutic processes as well as individual coaching, spiritual insights, therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.

All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.

We welcome enquiries from all English speaking people from Asia, Europe, Africa, India and South America.