Characteristics
of Functional
and Dysfunctional
Couples
* Dysfunctional:
Being together and unhappy is safer than being alone.
* Functional:
Being together brings us joy and happiness.
* Dysfunctional:
It is safer to be with other people than it is to be alone and intimate with
our partner.
* Functional:
Being alone and intimate with our partner is as safe as being with other
people.
* Dysfunctional:
If I really let my partner know what I’ve done or what I’m feeling and thinking
(who I am), (s)he will leave me.
* Functional:
When I really let my partner know what I’ve done or what I’m thinking (who I am),
it increases our intimacy. It’s met with acceptance.
* Dysfunctional:
It is easier to hide (medicate) our feelings through addictive/compulsive behaviour than it is to express
them.
* Functional:
We no longer need to hide and medicate our feelings through our addictive/compulsive behaviour.
We can express our feelings.
* Dysfunctional:
Being enmeshed and totally dependent with each other is perceived
as being in love.
* Functional:
Being interdependent adds strength to the relationship.
* Dysfunctional:
We find it difficult to ask for what we need, both individually and
as a couple.
* Functional:
We are learning to ask for what we need, both individually and a
couple.
* Dysfunctional:
Being sexual is equal to being intimate.
* Functional:
Being sexual enhances our relationship (increases our intimacy).
* Dysfunctional:
We either avoid our problems or feel we are individually responsible for solving the
problems we have as a couple.
* Functional:
We are learning to face our problems and not to feel individually responsible for solving
the problems we have as a couple.
* Dysfunctional:
We believe that we must agree on everything.
* Functional:
We believe we don’t have to agree on everything.
* Dysfunctional:
We believe that we must enjoy the same things and have the same interests.
* Functional:
We believe we can have different interests and enjoy different things and enjoy being
together.
* Dysfunctional:
We believe that to be a good couple we must be socially acceptable.
* Functional:
We don’t have to be socially acceptable.
* Dysfunctional:
We have forgotten how to play together.
* Functional:
We can play and have fun together.
* Dysfunctional:
It is safer to get upset about little issues than to express our true feelings about larger
ones.
* Functional:
We are learning to express our true feelings about larger issues, and we are learning to
resolve conflict.
* Dysfunctional:
It is easier to blame our partners than it is to accept our own responsibility.
* Functional:
We are learning to accept our individual responsibility.
* Dysfunctional:
We deal with conflict by getting totally out of control or by not arguing at all.
* Functional:
We are learning to deal with conflict and to fight fairly.
* Dysfunctional:
We experience ourselves as inadequate parents.
* Functional:
We accept our limitations as parents.
* Dysfunctional:
We are ashamed of ourselves as a couple.
* Functional:
We are proud of ourselves as a couple.
* Dysfunctional:
We repeat patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin.
* Functional:
We are recognising and breaking the patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin.
We are recognising and breaking the patterns of dysfunction from our families-of-origin.
If you are struggling with addictive tendencies and are ready to create a functional relationship call us immediately at Coaching With Substance
Coaching With Substance is Australia's No. 1 provider of Recovery Coaching Services and WINNER of 2014 Best Not-For-Profit in ALL Addictions.
Website: www.coachingwithsubstance.org.au
Email: info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au
We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand.
Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all.
Primary care at CWS is personalised to treat each individual using programs that integrate mind, body and soul. CWS programs are enhanced by highly effective group coaching and therapeutic processes as well as individual coaching, spiritual insights, therapy and extensive aftercare assistance.
All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.
We welcome enquiries from all English speaking people from Asia, Europe, Africa, India and South America.
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