EATING DISORDERS: Part 1.
Women, Men, Children and Teenagers.
Eating disorders are not a vanity issue and people do not do this so that they can fit into a smaller dress size. Many people also find this hard to believe, but eating disorders really have nothing at all to do with food. Whether you are anorexic, bulimic, or a compulsive eater, those are just the symptoms of deeper, emotional issues. Just like some people turn to alcohol or gambling as a way to cope, numb themselves, and block out painful feelings and emotions, food is also used in the same way.
Anorexics can become so obsessed with counting calories and wanting to be thin, that they spend their whole day thinking about it, which leaves them no time to think about the real problems in their lives. For them, it is easier to think about calories, then it is to face the issues that they may not know how to handle.
Many bulimics and compulsive eaters will tell you that when they binge, all the negative feelings, whether they are anger, sadness, stress, loneliness, inner pain, etc., will disappear.
When bulimics purge, they usually feel relieved.
They say it is almost like they are releasing all the negative feelings they have kept inside. As you can see, they do not binge because they are hungry or have no willpower. They do it because it is the only way they know how to find some relief from the pain that they feel inside.
There are many reasons why a person can develop an eating disorder. They may have been a victim of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. They may have been raised in a dysfunctional family where alcohol, drugs and or gambling were abused, or in a family that did not allow emotions to be expressed. Some may have been overweight as a child and were subjected to constant harassing from their peers which could cause them to continue to turn to food for comforter cause them to start to restrict their food intake.
People might be surprised to find out that older woman and even children suffer, but they would probably be shocked to find out that men also can fall victim to this terrible disorder. Why is that? It is because society is still very much in the dark about what eating disorders really are and why someone may develop one.
Whatever the reason may be, it is important for people to know that eating disorders are not a vanity issue and people usually develop them as a way to cope with very intense negative feelings and emotions
Eating disorders continue to be on the increase in today's society and not just among teenage girls. Many people believe that eating disorders affect only teenage girls, but that could not be further from the truth. Women are under just as much pressure to be thin as teenagers are. We are seeing more and
more women developing eating disorders in their twenties, thirties, forties, and beyond. The onset on anorexia, bulimia and compulsive eating can occur at any time in a person's life.
Even though the reasons for the development of an eating disorder may vary, the feelings about oneself are usually the same. The women suffer with feelings of self-hate, worthlessness, low self-esteem, and they usually feel that in order to be happy, they must be thin. Some may feel their lives are out of control and they turn to the one area of their lives that they can control, their weight. Others may believe that once they attain the "ideal" body image, then their lives will become perfect.
There are many reasons why eating disorders may develop later in one's life. With the high rate of divorce, many women are finding themselves back in the dating game in their forties and fifties. They may begin to believe that in order to find another man, they must be thin. If they are in a marriage and find out that their husband has been having an affair, they may blame themselves for that. The woman might feel that her husband has strayed because he no longer finds her attractive. She will then focus her attention on her weight and feel that if she had only been thin, her husband would not have been unfaithful. Usually when affairs happen in a marriage, weight is not the problem. There are deeper problems in the marriage that probably caused the affair to happen. Women need to stop blaming themselves for their husband's infidelity. Sometimes blaming themselves and their weight for the affair is easier than dealing with the deeper problems that caused the marriage to crumble.
In other situations, eating disorders may develop once the children are grown and out on their own. A women who has dedicated her life to raising her children, may all of a sudden find herself alone and start to feel like she has no real purpose anymore. She may start focusing on her weight, believing that she will be happy once she becomes thin. She may also turn to food for comfort to try and fill the void she feels inside.
Society also puts women under a lot of pressure to be thin. Women are constantly being told that they must have a perfect marriage, be a perfect mother, and have the perfect career. They are given the message that in order to obtain all that, we must have the perfect body.
Growing older in today's society is much different for women than it is for men. If a man's body changes or his hair starts to turn gray, he is considered to be "distinguished". If a woman's body changes and her hair starts to turn gray, she is considered to be "letting herself go". Eating disorders become a woman's way of escaping the daily pressures of life. Women can no longer enjoy food or allow themselves to provide their bodies with the nutrition it needs and deserves because society and the media makes women feel guilty for eating.
A while back I read a quote, it went, "When a man gets up to speak, people listen then look. When a woman gets up, people look, then, if they like what they see, they listen". Unfortunately that statement is very true. Women aren't yet taken seriously enough in the business industry and in their
careers. A woman trying to advance in her career may feel that in order to be taken seriously and have her ideas listened to, she must be thin. Weight has no effect on someone's intelligence, abilities and job performance. It's time the world started respecting women for their accomplishments and stop
judging them by their appearance.
If you are suffering with an eating disorder or think you are, I would urge you to seek help immediately. There is no shame in having an eating disorder. Older women sometimes find it hard to reach out and ask for help, because eating disorders are still very much associated as being an
illness that only affects teenage girls. The fact is, eating disorders can affect any woman or man at anytime in their lives, age has nothing to do with it. Eating disorders can be treated and there is help available. You don't need to continue to live this hell everyday. You can free yourself and you can start living the happy, healthy life that you deserve to live.
F O R M E N:
It should not surprise anyone that men too can develop eating disorders.
It is estimated that approximately 10% of eating disorder sufferers are men, but I personally feel that figure would be higher if more men came forward with their problem and if compulsive eaters were included in that figure. It is very difficult for men to reach out and ask for help because eating disorders are still very much considered a "women's disease". They may also not want to come forward for fear that people will think they are gay. Many people automatically assume if a man has an eating disorder, then he must be gay. That is not true at all. Someone's sexual preference has nothing to do with them developing an eating disorder.
The reasons men develop eating disorders are really no different than why a woman, child, or anyone else would. They may have been victims of abuse, come from dysfunctional families, were subjected to teasing from their peers, etc. They also experience the same feelings as anyone else.
They have low self-esteem, suffer perfectionism, are over achievers, do not know how to express emotions, avoid conflict, put others needs ahead of their own (co-dependents), feel unworthy and hate most everything about themselves. Many hate themselves so much, they feel they deserve to die. When someone feels that way, they usually start to avoid the very thing that
keeps them alive, which is food.
The number of woman that suffer from eating disorders is much higher than men because men are not under the same pressure to be thin. It is more common for men to try and cope with their problems by becoming workaholics or turning to alcohol, drugs, gambling or sex, but the number of men developing eating disorders is increasing. It can also be difficult to know if some men do in fact have an eating disorder.
Bulimic men are more likely to try and purge their bodies of unwanted calories by exercising
compulsively, rather than by vomiting or laxative abuse. Some people may feel the person is just staying in shape, even though the man may
be exercising compulsively because he feels he has to rid himself of the calories he consumed. Many men, like a lot of women, that have been
overweight and started losing weight, were praised for the weight loss. They enjoyed the attention they received from losing weight and they may decide that they need to keep losing. They believe that losing weight will help them
to be accepted and it will make them happy.
I truly believe that once our society is educated and discovers what eating disorders really are and why someone may develop this addictive disorder, they will have no trouble accepting that men too can suffer from one. If you are a man that is suffering with an eating disorder, I would urge you to seek help. There is no shame in having an eating disorder.
F O R C H I L D R E N and T E E N A G E R S:
Why is it that so many young children and teenagers are becoming obsessed with dieting and their weight? I feel the family environment has a lot to do with it, along with the fact that children and teenagers are constantly being exposed to the message society gives about the importance of being thin.
Children and teenagers raised in a dysfunctional family are at a higher risk for developing an eating disorder. In a home where physical or sexual abuse is taking place, the child may turn to an eating disorder to gain a sense of control. If they can't control what is happening to their bodies during the abuse, they can control their food intake or their weight. Self imposed starvation may also be their way of trying to disappear so they no longer have to suffer through the abuse.
Children and teenagers may also develop eating disorders as a way of dealing with the many emotions that they feel, especially if they are raised in a home that does not allow feelings to be expressed. Children or teenagers
who are compulsive eaters are usually using food to help them deal with feelings of anger, sadness, hurt, loneliness, abandonment, fear and pain. If children are not allowed to express their emotions, they may become emotional eaters. Also, if parents are too involved in their own problems, the
child or teenager may turn to food for comfort.
Society and the media also send the message that being thin is important and necessary. You just have to turn on the TV Saturday morning music shows and see just how the music videos give them that message. Children and teenagers are not only told that they need to be wearing the newest in designer clothing, but they must also look perfect in them.
If children and teenagers are going to grow up to love and accept their bodies, they must be raised to love and accept themselves. As parents you need to be very encouraging and supportive and help to build their self-esteem.
Children and teenagers need to know that you are proud of them and they need to know that you love them for who they are, not what they look like. Parents should also encourage their children to express their feelings and emotions, and most importantly, parents need to listen to what their
children are telling them. You need to be involved in your child's life and you need to spend time with them to provide them with the special attention that they need and crave. However, being overly involved in a child's life and not allowing them privacy could lead a child to become anorexic as a way to gain a sense of control over their life. Not being involved enough could lead a child to feel lonely and abandoned, which could cause a child to turn to food for comfort.
If your child is showing signs of turning to food for comfort, you need to sit down and talk with the child. Find out about their feelings and what is bothering them. You need to deal with the real problems. Criticising a child about their weight is probably the worst thing that you can do. Parents that
push weight loss end up degrading the child, shaming the child and making them feel worthless for being overweight. None of this will encourage the child to lose weight. Instead, it will lead to more feelings of self-hate and cause the child to want to eat more for comfort.
G E T T I N G H E L P:
One of the hardest things to do is admitting and accepting that you have an eating disorder. The next hardest thing to do is reaching out and asking for help. Many of us feel that since this is our problem that we should deal with it on our own. People with eating disorders are very independent and are not used to sharing their feelings with anyone, especially not a therapist. They may feel too ashamed or embarrassed to reveal to someone what they are doing. Please know that there is no shame in having an eating disorder. This problem is too big to correct on your own and you need the help of qualified individuals.
Recovery is a long road, and you do not have to travel that road alone. It really is important to reach out for help. There is no shame for having an eating disorder and help is available. You do not have to be a prisoner to your eating disorder forever. Not only is it okay to ask for help, it is necessary. Recovery can become reality with help.
If you or someone you love is in the grips of an eating disorder (Food Addiction) do not hesitate to call us TODAY at Coaching With Substance for immediate help on 07 5606 6315 (7days).
Confidentiality assured. You can also skype us: AddictionsCoach or get in touch via Facebook.
Coaching With Substance is Australia's No. 1 provider of Recovery Coaching Services and WINNER of 2014 Best Not-For-Profit in ALL Addictions.
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Email: info@coachingwithsubstance.org.au
We are Australia's leading award winning addiction treatment and rehab consultants for gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, eating and internet addiction, along with eating behavioural disorders and co-dependency for Australasia and New Zealand.
Maria Pau is a 4x No. 1 best-selling author on the subjects of addiction and co-dependency and spiritual wellness. She is the Program Director of Coaching with Substance, the first of its kind in Australia as registered public benevolent institution, charity and not-for profit association that focuses on wellness using coaching principles of peak performance. We run a cutting edge holistic addiction treatment program and outpatient rehabilitation consultancy firm that ensures you are released from the shackles of addiction once and for all.
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All clients are thoroughly assessed by a highly trained and experienced recovery coach, registered provisional psychologist, ordained Monk, mental health officer and certified naturopaths (including Ayurveda and Acupuncturist). Clients may also be referred for psychometric testing and assessment, if needed. International clients welcome.
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